Let us first define cross cultural relationship, to avoid any confusion. A cross cultural relationship is two people who are born to or brought up under differing cultural lifestyles, trying to form a friendship or social partnership, mostly for the longer term. If the relationship is incidental, you may still want to read this article, but not seriously follow the tips given here, because you are not intending to "vest" in that relationship. On the other hand, if you are serious about the other person, either as a friend, or lover, or companion, or all of the above, then do read and implement these tips.
Forget experts and books. Follow the following acronym:
A: Affinity
B. Behavior
C. Compassion'
D: Depth
Got it? Now here are the tips and explanations under each of the alphabets.
AFFINITY
You must have a genuinely positive feeling not only for the person, but for his/her culture. Most people make the mistake of being close to the person. Remember, the person brings "baggage" of culture with him/her. It can be positive baggage or negative, from where you sit. If your past has some issues with that cultural group, it will be hard for you to overcome. E.g. let us say you went into business with another person of that culture and felt that you were cheated. You would have to be a Gandhi not to have some negative feeling towards that culture. So make sure your mind and heart are open to receiving positives about that culture. And be honest, because you will be tested almost regularly. If the other person has strong ties to that cultural community, it is lilkely that you will be socializing with that group more often.
BEHAVIOR
Each culture has its typical habits, mores, social dogma and practices. Study those before you expand your relationship with that person. E.g. if your friend was Asian, it is likely that they expect you to remove your shoes before you enter the living area. Africans do not like being talked down to. Some comedians make fun of the accent of people of certain background. In social circles, that is a no-no.
COMPASSION
A high sense of cultural awareness, along with the history of the culture is extremely important. That goes both ways---you must be able to transmit the history and values of your own culture.It is amazing to me how many people do not know key facts and trends of their own culture. Many Asians who grew up in the US do not know that there are three distinct languages in China, phonetically an grammatically independent. Compassion for the values and attributes of your own culture and your partner's culture helps you bond better and develop mutually.
DEPTH
For cross culture relationship to flourish, there must be depth. I mean depth of relationship not only as between two people, but depth of understanding about how each partner grew up, his/her lifestyle, that of the families, their diet, beliefs and practices. The fact that orthodox Jews do not work on Saturday should be known if you are dating a person of that faith. Hindus do not eat beef (at least many of them) and hold cow with the same reverence accorded to their mothers. These types of beliefs can only be known if you take time to study the other person's culture, and its background and history since each belief is rooted in that culture's history. Imagine the all round pleasure when you meet your friend's family and greet them in their native language.
Good luck.
Forget experts and books. Follow the following acronym:
A: Affinity
B. Behavior
C. Compassion'
D: Depth
Got it? Now here are the tips and explanations under each of the alphabets.
AFFINITY
You must have a genuinely positive feeling not only for the person, but for his/her culture. Most people make the mistake of being close to the person. Remember, the person brings "baggage" of culture with him/her. It can be positive baggage or negative, from where you sit. If your past has some issues with that cultural group, it will be hard for you to overcome. E.g. let us say you went into business with another person of that culture and felt that you were cheated. You would have to be a Gandhi not to have some negative feeling towards that culture. So make sure your mind and heart are open to receiving positives about that culture. And be honest, because you will be tested almost regularly. If the other person has strong ties to that cultural community, it is lilkely that you will be socializing with that group more often.
BEHAVIOR
Each culture has its typical habits, mores, social dogma and practices. Study those before you expand your relationship with that person. E.g. if your friend was Asian, it is likely that they expect you to remove your shoes before you enter the living area. Africans do not like being talked down to. Some comedians make fun of the accent of people of certain background. In social circles, that is a no-no.
COMPASSION
A high sense of cultural awareness, along with the history of the culture is extremely important. That goes both ways---you must be able to transmit the history and values of your own culture.It is amazing to me how many people do not know key facts and trends of their own culture. Many Asians who grew up in the US do not know that there are three distinct languages in China, phonetically an grammatically independent. Compassion for the values and attributes of your own culture and your partner's culture helps you bond better and develop mutually.
DEPTH
For cross culture relationship to flourish, there must be depth. I mean depth of relationship not only as between two people, but depth of understanding about how each partner grew up, his/her lifestyle, that of the families, their diet, beliefs and practices. The fact that orthodox Jews do not work on Saturday should be known if you are dating a person of that faith. Hindus do not eat beef (at least many of them) and hold cow with the same reverence accorded to their mothers. These types of beliefs can only be known if you take time to study the other person's culture, and its background and history since each belief is rooted in that culture's history. Imagine the all round pleasure when you meet your friend's family and greet them in their native language.
Good luck.